“I don’t feel like it today”
“What if I fail? I do all that work and spend so much time and energy and nobody likes it”
“I just wanna have fun, party, meet girls and ‘act my age'”
“I should have achieved more by now”
This is just a sampling of some of the resistant thoughts that I have come in to my head on a regular basis.
You see life is a rollercoaster – hat tip to Ronan…and it comes with its inevitable ups and downs which you just have to ride.
There’s times when you’re highly motivated, you’re happy and enthusiastic, and then there are the times when you just want to curl up and go back to bed, or bury yourself in cake, whiskey or whatever your escapism of choice.
The more you push yourself, step out of your comfort zone and do new things to grow and improve, the more internal resistance you face.
- Don’t feel like working out
- Have worked hard and ‘earned’ that cake
- Feel fat anyway so why bother
- Will never be able to achieve X
- You’ve made some progress and feel content to be somewhat better off, so you can slack off the hard work
This all happens at important times. You are being challenged, and if you meet the challenge you will become stronger, grow and be more successful.
I’m going to be real here, and I haven’t ever spoken publicly about this before.
I’m very hard on myself and I struggle with a lot of things, with self-doubt and sometimes feeling overwhelmed. I make excuses and justify not doing what I’m supposed to be doing for whatever convenient reason and I know that it keeps me in the same cycles.
I know when I’m doing it, most of the time – this is what I do for a living after all – but I still do it.
I still have to ground myself in perspective sometimes and recognise how far I have come.
I still need someone to be accountable to, to help me overcome my own resistance and give me confidence. Sometimes to just tell me to stop being stupid and back myself.
I still have to talk myself in to an empowered state to get ‘scary’ things done (irrationally scary).
I still have to remind myself of my purpose and the life journey that I am on.
Deep down though, I know that I will achieve the things that I want to achieve. The reason I know this is because no matter how many times I fail, sabotage myself or get knocked down, I know that I will keep going.
I’m getting better at being real with myself and not hiding from reality. At asking for help when I need it and allowing myself to show my ‘weaknesses’ when appropriate.
I’ve always been someone who believes in personal responsibility and being accountable for your own situations in life – I never really moaned about other people, the economy , politics or whatever other bollocks people use to pass on responsibility, but that didn’t always make me face that reality. Sometimes I’ll just ignore it, bury my head and not do anything about it. Let that debt accumulate because I can’t pay it, let this relationship sour more and more because I don’t want to deal with why we fell out. It’s so easy to do.
I’m realising more and more though, that focusing on the future, on being driven to where I am going next and the next great idea sometimes holds me back from really introspecting and assessing what went wrong before. It’s great to learn from your failures, but often you only learn the lessons your want to learn – this tactic didn’t work, or next time I need to prepare that better – without ever really facing WHY that happened, which is a deeper thing, You chose that tactic and failed to prepare and it is because of FEAR.
What you’re scared of will vary, and often it goes so many levels deep it can take a long time to get to the most real and honest answer, but you have to overcome that fear to move forwards.
Many of my clients are scared of what will happen to their identity when they successfully change, they’re scared of losing something they perceive to gain from where they are right now.
I have been scared of failing – for years. What happened? I failed anyway, I just dragged the process out over a number of years instead of doing so quickly and moving on.
I’ve always wanted, since I was still at university, to go travelling. Not backpacking, but full on location independent living. Have a great lifestyle, that offers a purpose to my day, and the means to have a high standard of life, whilst having full control of my location and schedule. I’ve been working towards it for years…but I never really got close. I just got caught up in the day to day living, fighting fires and taking thousands of steps sideways, doing ‘work’, but not actually ever moving forwards.
It came to a point where I realised this and I just said, to borrow a phrase from Richard Branson, “screw it, lets do it”. In that moment, the decision was made with 100% certainty and clarity. I was finally ready. As soon as I was ready, everything else fell in to place.
I got some new clients the following week which paid for the flights and bits and bobs and booked them as soon as I could. I fly to Thailand in 1 month.
Honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know anybody, I don’t have any guaranteed income, I don’t have much in the way of savings to fall back on. I do, however, trust myself and the universe. I know that when I look inward, I will find the answers. I have greatness within me, as do you , in whatever arena you wish to change, you just have to step out of the way and let it out. Stop holding yourself back in your comfort zone and just do shit anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?
Here’s my commitment.
I’m hiring a business mentor as soon as I have the 10 grand it costs, because I need accountability and the help of an expert.
I’m going to worry less about being successful and focus on being grateful for all that I do have, until I really believe that I am already successful.
I’m making a bigger effort to be the kind of client I want to attract AND the kind of person I want to attract.
What do you want to change and what commitments can you make?